User:Ultima The High Seraph

 Status: Active IRC? never (UTC) Currently: Here & FFwiki Responding: Of course

Hi I am mark, also known as Ultima The High Seraph. I am Scottish and a Hamilton Accies fan. I go to Grangemouth high school and I am a total Chemistry geek :] I Love KH. I have the worst music taste in the world. My favorite bands are Oasis, Bon Jovi, Queen, Housmartins, Beautiful south, Micheal Jackson, Glasvegas, Kid Rock and Santana. Not the best taste is it. If you have the same music taste as me please talk to me on my talk page as I am in dier need of reassurance that these bands are actally good. I own the all the Kingdom hearts games bar chain of memories.

Ultima The  High Seraph  11:02, 27 December 2008 (UTC)

Christmas
I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. 1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.

10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner.

Trivia

 * 1) I hate oranges
 * 2) Oranges Hate Me
 * 3) I have been attacked by a catfish
 * 4) They also don't like me
 * 5) I was stupid enough to take french at school
 * 6) The French don't like me
 * 7) I live in Grangemouth, CHAV capital of the world
 * 8) I am not a CHAV
 * 9) Thank God
 * 10) For every 15 normal people in Glasgow, There are 16 CHAV's
 * 11) For every 1 normal person in Grangemouth, there is 34.5 CHAV's
 * 12) I am Left Handed
 * 13) The pollution from the BP will eventually mutate everybode in Grangemouth
 * 14) I now have an alterego known As SUPERSLUTMAN
 * 15) He is a damn good superhero
 * 16) I have a fear of swans
 * 17) I have an even bigger fear of Citrus fruit
 * 18) I have an even bigger fear of clowns
 * 19) All goldfish fear me
 * 20) The sound of me laughing can be confused for somebody dying, or the fact that mutley is somewhere near

vids
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSe38dzJYkY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5-z4iMBFZA qQEN_UlNZaA