User talk:96.68.6.221

Piped links
Just a heads up, Piped links like that are against the manual of style except when absolutely necessary. 13:31, 21 December 2018 (UTC)

Xemnas
Okay, lot to go over here:
 * Storylinks are not for citing a claim like you would a quote, they are for footnoting a scene (or ansem/secret/xehanort report) that "plays out" contemporaneous with one chapter of the narrative, but is covered in a different chapter (like how 0.2 covers events that play out between BbS and KH1, but is set after KH3D).
 * "Though Roxas initially refused the offer to join the Organization, Xemnas sent Axel to convince him to join." -- where in Chain of Memories is this depicted? If you're linking CoM as a citation, where is it stated?
 * "Roxas's ability to wield a Keyblade piques Xemnas's curiosity as the last Keyblade wielders he knew of became inactive a decade ago." -- Definitely don't stick a storylink mid sentence, and where is it stated that Roxas piques Xemnas's curiosity by comparison to TVA, instead of just being a tool?
 * "Tracing Roxas's origins to Hollow Bastion," -- source?
 * "Intrigued by the anomaly, " -- source?
 * "to see what he can expect from Roxas." -- source that the fight at HB was about Roxas, not Sora himself?
 * "As his part of Master Xehanort's plan to create the thirteen seekers of darkness, Xemnas planned to experiment with Namine's power over memories to find a way to leave the other members blank slates, so they could easily be taken over by fragments of Master Xehanort's heart." -- while it's definitely stated that Namine is part of the Organization's experiments into memory, but Nomura has so far stated that the experiments with her were intended to help the Nobodies better understand their own nature, not for the purpose of RO13. We need a source to link these two ideas together.
 * "However, Sora's victory over Ansem forced Xemnas to accelerate his plans, as Sora was becoming a threat to the plan." -- Needs to have a storylink to secret report 22, though it's not clear that this was about xemnas.
 * "Unfortunately, the events of Chain of Memories" -- definitely never mention out-of-universe stuff like that within the synopsis. Never ever. Describe it like Jiminy would -- "conflict at Castle Oblivion", or some such. I think you might also be referencing the Day 355 Secret Report?
 * "Xemnas sends his subordinates to other worlds to search for replacement Nobodies to fill the empty seats." -- not sure where this is from. At least for Beast, KH2 claims that they want to create new Nobodies solely as footsoldiers ("And they were gonna make you into a Heartless. That way, they could get that Nobody of yours and have control over it.")
 * "so he can use Ventus as a vessel." -- again, need source on this.
 * "Deciding that the Organization only needs one Keyblade wielder, Xemnas orders the construction of devices to allow Xion the strength to defeat and absorb Roxas." -- might be a good idea to storylink day 322, it took me a while to verify this.
 * "However, Xemnas was able to shake Mickey off his trail and returns to the World That Never Was. Saix ponders if Sora's new knowledge of how he is helping them will cause a standtill, while Xigbar is sure that Sora will keep slaying the Heartless regardless of knowing he's being used by them; Luxord is also sure that the odds are against Sora. Xemnas assure the Organization that Sora is resilient and beating him into submission will not hinder their plans, pleasing Xaldin." -- we want to be a little more brief about these conversations, not just repeating the scripts. Try to pare that down. Honestly, we should avoid as much copying of phrasing as possible unless it's something like Xion/Kairi's "promise me you'll give it your all", where there's a specific callback to a specific phrase (also see "let your heart be your gyroscope")
 * "In one last meeting with the other three survivors of the Organization, Xemnas explains that Axel's "weakness of heart" had managed to touch Sora's heart and awaken Roxas from within. He then observes his Kingdom Hearts absorb the hearts of slain Heartless, asking it to share its power with all Nobodies. " -- again, brevity.

It's a really good edit overall, it just needs a good bit of cleanup. Thanks! 21:56, 16 January 2019 (UTC)